miss mendez’s Neighborhood

If the artist does not fling himself, without reflecting, into his work, as Curtis flung himself into the yawning gulf, as the soldier flings himself into the enemy's trenches, and if, once in this crater, he does not work like a miner on whom the walls of his gallery have fallen in; if he contemplates difficulties instead of overcoming them one by one... he is simply looking on at the suicide of his own talent.
    - Honore de Balzac

Put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it.
    - Colette

I'll make this short and simple.

Friends. Definition? There is no single one. For each one of us, the word may carry with it a different meaning -- be it as personal as "brother" or "sister", or as detached (and in my opinion, as utterly meaningless) as a "friend" or "friendship" maintained solely through the means of a mere social networking site like myspace or facebook or which ever one is the most popular nowadays.

Anyway. I tend to lean towards the more personal version of the word and would like to highlight the third and fourth definitions recorded within the American Heritage Dictionary upon searching the word "friend" on Dictionary.com. According to these definitions, and in my opinion, a Friend is:

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.

I think friends are meant to be allies, a team, fighting on the same side. You know, "you and me against the world". They're meant to have your back, and you, theirs. Having said that, sometimes being too impartial, too aloof, too clinical, too pacifistic and too indifferent may be the reason some people feel like they haven't quite found their place. Sometimes true friendship is being hated by the same people. And likewise, sometimes it's sharing a common hatred. 

You're supposed to be biased towards the people you love most. A Great Friend is someone who sticks up for you, not someone who listens intently while others are bitching about the one's you're supposed to care about.  

True friendship is being able to feel for one another, not for everyone.

It's 2008. I've come to realise that time has definitely passed me by much too quickly for my liking. I've finished high school, all of a sudden, and now I'm finding myself worrying about getting accepted into university. My little cousin, all of a sudden, is no longer my "little cousin" -- he's now twice my height with facial hair. He stands as my constant reminder of exactly how quickly the years are flying right by. I'm now 18, all of a sudden. All of a sudden, I've begun the transition from my world, into the world -- the bigger scheme of things. When I think about it, it feels as if the time between the end of 2005 up until now was just one mere long-weekend.

And because life's fast pace is so desperately greedy, time has managed to escape me.

I have very recently learnt that "time is precious". It is much more precious, in fact, than the cliche makes it out to be. Very few people truly realise the value of one year. Ask the person who didn't get to graduate with their best friends because they failed their last year at high school. Ask the victims of a fallen marriage. Ask the families of those who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. It only takes one year.

So, my new outlook? Don't plan too far ahead. If I keep worrying too much about the distant future, time will continue to steal life away from me. Live more in the moment, take everything I can from the present. It shouldn't be about what I'll be, where I'll be -- It should be all about what I am, where I am, here. The unexpected is inevitable anyways. 

Aaaaaaaanndd! I know it's already half a month into it, but Happy New Year to you all! I hope you welcomed the year with smiles, love, and laughter.
I know I did! :) :)

Some people were STILL taller than me.

Best New Years Day thus far.

Wow. I know. Been a while aye. Well, just letting you know that I'm still alive. Thought it would be polite. I'll speak to you soon. When I can finally find the time (and the energy). I've kind of got a lot on my plate at the moment. So, laters brother!

Ciao :)   

And me? I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something.
And if you find that moment, it lasts forever.

-- The Beach (2001)

So, at the end of it all, what do I truly want..?

To find contentment.

That's not to say that I'm not happy now... It's just that sometimes you come to these realisations. And most times these realisations come when you think you are most happy. It's like, you feel as if everything is dandy... so you re-analyse certain aspects of your life, you know, just to make sure -- then you find something that seems to be out of place which, just a moment ago, you would never have noticed.

When it seems as if you're finally content, this "happy feeling" seems so foreign that you begin to pick out little things which previously didn't matter and shouldn't really matter at all.

Some people spend their lives trying to find peace and contentment within themselves. But at the same time the same people are restricting themselves from this as they continue to disrupt the natural flaws of life; flaws which are undoubtedly common to all human beings -- flaws which are not meant to be completely ironed flat.

Life was not made to be 'flawless'. It is not meant to be a perfectly paved road for easy riding, wrinkle-free or what some like to call "a breeze". Without these 'kinks' which every average person encounters within their lives, some more frequently than others, life, quite frankly, would be bland and pointless.

If there were no down-times, those moments of extreme euphoria would not exist. As Ronan Keating says, "Life is a Rollercoaster, just gotta ride it." A Rollercoaster. Complete with both peaks as well as valleys -- ups as well as downs. I mean, where on earth have you ever seen a straightforward, thrill-less, unsuspenseful rollercoaster? And if one such as this even existed, who would want to ride it anyway?

Life's biggest challenge is to accept that it is challenging -- to accept that it is and will be a bumpy ride, to accept that it is not an organised plan, to accept that you will cry, be cheated, be hurt, betrayed... 

Me? I have yet to be able to accept flaws within myself. However, I do have faith that once I am able to experience first hand that sometimes imperfection is perfection, I will finally be content with who I am.

Then maybe I'll be able to continue happily with the Ride of my Life.

I absolutely hate it when you feel as if you're "walking on egg shells" when it comes to some people. No matter how much you try to be the "bigger person", anticipating to ease some of the awkwardness in the hope of finally getting rid of the big blue elephant in the room... you feel like your attempts at peace are all in vain.

Things have changed so significantly, yet so subtly, and it's difficult to reverse, let alone restore.

I'm scared of coming across as 'fake', although my intentions are genuine. I want to be able to look passed the recent in sacrifice for what once was, because in my mind that was worth much more. But sometimes it feels as if the whole situation has been pushed so far to the edge that the only way to "keep the peace" is to play nice even though we know it isn't.

-- becoming what you once 'said' you used to 'hate' is a bitch. 

You have to watch what you say, watch what you do. Because some people might be getting the wrong impressions... due, ofcourse, to paranoia. It's a fight entirely created by you alone, which you are fighting completely on your own.

So, I'm finally employed after a life of milking money off the parents. Don't get me wrong, I'll most probably still be doing my fair share of that (who wouldn't), but at least I can call myself somewhat 'independent'. And the opportunity couldn't come sooner; I have finally finished my HSC, which is undoubtedly followed by a myriad of celebratory events, thus resulting in increased expenditure! So the spare $$ would do me well. The job is VERY casual -- work when I'm free, and if it's in my area. Great for those living quite a sedentary lifestyle, ie MOI.

So.. I am officially what the company likes to call a "Brand Ambassador". That's wonderful use of euphemism right there. Hehe. But I shouldn't complain. It sounds much more appealing and professional this way :)

HELLO WORLD.

Oh, and if you see me 'working', please be polite. Ha. THANK-YOU, COME AGAIN!